Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. NIVPhilippians 4:6-7
The first time that I really talked to God as I understood God I asked God for strength. This was a heartfelt prayer of petition. This was a deep surrender to God, the Universe, or whatever people want to call Creation. I did not realize at the time that my surrender was so honest, sincere, pleading, and deep that it was centering me in myself. I reached the cornerstone or foundation of myself. I was confirmed. I came to realize this fact. When I reached the center of myself I reached the center of all selves. During my period of confirmation, I underwent a vision that graced me with the ability to see into and through the egos of others. I see the struggles of others. The sight of our collective psychology was given to me. So as I was confirmed in myself I was simultaneously confirmed in humanity. My interpersonal awareness became clarified. My interpersonal awareness became intensified. The illusion of me being separate from others was gone. I came home. I came back to the presence of my birth. I became much more contented and peaceful in myself and with others. I realized that we all are the same inside. A person undergoes a great relief when you see what is going on with everyone.
God Answered My Prayer
This was the strength I petitioned God to give me. The state of awareness I am communicating about is the state that Paul was communicating about in Philippians. This state completes or serves as a missing piece of the pie for achieving the overall peace of God which transcends all understanding. Paul struggles with the limits of language to get us to realize this intuition. We transcend or pass reasoning and logic of the intellect (limits of language) in the struggle of grasping the intuitive realization that Paul is nudging us toward, that is, the Spirit of Christ or Krishna or Great Spirit or Allah of us all and it is our psychology beyond ego. We are individuals (souls) at different levels of this awareness. We battle the flesh to get to the center of us. It is said that the Supreme Soul is the soul of our souls.
I was on a vision quest and did not realize it. I am affiliated with Native American culture. A fact of life for Native Americans is that when a person receives a vision the vision is to be shared for the good of the tribe. This is what I struggle with to get our tribe of humanity to realize. It took me many years to fully understand what happened to me. This is what I am called to express. For over twenty years I have been answering my call. It is said that an avatar can read thoughts. Well, I am far from an avatar but I do realize that an avatar certainly would at the very least see the psychology of humanity as I do. I constantly fight to better myself. I learn from the insights of others. Appropriate for Easter, what I am trying to get across is the Resurrection of the Christ within you.
I was born in Wisconsin to a Roman Catholic family. My mother June was a talented writer and started her own service club. My father Joe was a Right-of-Way agent for Bell telephone. Joe was an avid golfer and overall sports enthusiast. Joe would play sports with me and I became a life-long athlete.
I was known as a rebel and was expelled from the Catholic school I attended at the age of fourteen. I was arrested at nineteen for being a thief and was placed on probation. Around this time, not being happy, I turned inward. I worked at different jobs that did not satisfy my budding inner life. I traveled down south several times reading books trying to find myself. In 1980, at the age of twenty-seven, I enrolled at a local college. I was now in an interesting environment. I was curious about almost everything and I eventually majored in speech and psychology or speaking and thinking.
Many people told me that I was funny. I was able to make them laugh about unusual subjects. In the summers of 1981 and 1982, while still a college student, I traveled to Minneapolis and pursued the art of stand-up comedy. During these summers I would write comedy, run twenty-five miles a week and perform comedy at night. I was also a juggler but did not juggle in my stand-up act. I took up Hatha yoga and studied nutrition. In Minneapolis, I interacted with the local up-and-coming comedians. Minneapolis at that time had a small close-knit comedy culture that produced a good number of comedians and some became quite famous. I was making audiences laugh shortly after I started. During this time I was also performing comedy in other cities. I planned on being a professional comedian.
Catholicism conditioned me to have a clear inner voice. I had to make people laugh and the only way I could see to do it was to be brutally honest with myself. I thought honesty would align me with common reality. The Sisters of St. Agnes, who taught me, always told me to tell the truth. So I was continually examining myself and weeding out delusional thinking. This became my way of life.
One day in 1983, I was alone at my parents house and all of a sudden I had a massive spontaneous kundalini awakening. The awakening of this spiritual energy made me realize my self. I achieved the ability, among others, to see through other peoples egos or read their hearts. I was forever changed. In 1983 there was no internet or otherwise easily accessible information for me to be able to find out what had happened to me. Because of the massive explosion of energy my nervous and digestive system had to rebuild.
Due to what happened to me, I changed my plans and soon moved in with my best friend and her son. We lived together for many years. I hid out in college going on and off for thirteen years. I read one book after another to understand what happened to me. I eventually received an M.A. in Speech/Rhetoric and also amassed many extra college credits. Currently I am an investor and forever a student.
I am repentant of the trouble I got into years ago and the embarrassment it brought to my parents. People that knew me when I was a kid remark that I sure changed my ways. I went through what I call psycho/spiritual/physical alchemy or I transformed myself by healing the past and living in the ongoing present.
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